Life Lately
Hi friends! I hope you had a wonderful holiday and that your year is off to a beautiful start.
Usually when I'm away on break I am flooded with ideas to share upon my return, but for the first time ever, that isn't the case. To be honest I am having a bout of bloggers block, and the more I've tried just get over it the more it persists. I'm hoping that just the acknowledgment of it and what life has been like for me over the past few weeks will clear things up, and I'll be back on track again soon. But until that happens, I apologize if posts here are a little sparse or a bit more on the nitty-gritty and not the pretty-pretty side that I'm sure most of us would prefer. Thanks for hanging in there with me.
So I left you back in December with a hasty mention of a "family crisis," and while I won't go into every detail for the sake of privacy, I do want to share a little bit with you about what has been going on.
To keep it brief…my daughter was once again the target of bullying. Unfortunately this time it was far more serious and came very close to having deadly repercussions. This time around social media was used to spread the pain far more quickly and involve many more people than "traditional" bullying that she's dealt with in the past. Being a teenager is difficult enough, and my daughter and I were already working on building up her self-esteem and facing her struggles with depression when this whole thing exploded. It seemed like things went from day to night in a split second. A former trusted friend of my daughter's created rumors to infest the internet with, they caught like wildfire, and my daughter's mental health plummeted.
The details of what happened are all very personal and painful, so I won't elaborate on the specifics more right now other than to say that I have never been more terrified in my entire life. I thought that dealing with my own past depression would be the worst thing I would ever have to deal with, but I was so horribly wrong. Facing and trying to figure out how to help a loved one survive it is so much worse.
I've been too busy worrying about my daughter (and not sleeping much either) to think of much else (hense the lack of cheery blog posts). The initial crisis has thankfully subsided (we've been doing a lot of things to distract away from the situation - see photo above), but the effects of what happened won't be so easily erased. Since the main perpetrators involved were the only friends my daughter felt safe with at her school (and I've since learned even more (sadistic) traits about one of those students that leaves me feeling that my daughter would not ever be safe around them), I have made the difficult decision (and she has begged me) to not send her back to her school. My daughter's mental health and safety needs will always trump any scholastic ones.
Now that the immediate crisis has been contained to a manageable level we have begun making plans for what the future will look like. A lot of it is unknown. For the time being my daughter will be schooling at home with me. I was home schooled quite a bit during my formative years, and while it wasn't always the best solution for me, and may not be for my daughter (that is yet to be determined)…at least I know that she will be safe. To fill the remainder of the year, I've started looking into online programs and in-person tutoring options as well, so if any of you have recommendations (or places I should steer clear of) I would greatly appreciate anything you have to share.
A few weeks out of this crisis I am feeling anxious but tentatively hopeful. I am trying not blame myself…it's always so easy to find blame in oneself if you start to look for it. I keep asking myself, why my kid? Why is she so often the victim of bullying? Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? The questions keep coming with few answers…so I am trying not to ask them. I am instead trying to focus on the positive and keep moving forward in a direction that is healthy for both my daughter and myself. It won't be simple or easy, but I know it's the right thing.
If you made it to the bottom of this post, thank you for reading. I promise to be back to sharing more traditional Creature Comforts content soon. Until then...xox Ez
P.S. The photo above was taken by my daughter during the distractionary (that's a word, right) road trip we took to Dallas, TX a little over a week ago. It captures us at our goofy best, makes me feel hopeful, and might be my favorite photo of all time (regardless of how dorky I look).
Monday, January 7, 2013 
Reader Comments (237)
Oh man - that totally stinks. I hope your daughter the best, I think we've all gone through some bullying, but it hurts worst when it's someone you trust. Just know there are good people out there. Good luck making it through and thanks for sharing - people need to be aware of this (in addition to all the fun stuff you normally post).
You are such a wonderful mother. I would take my daughter out of school as well if I was you. That would be too painful have to see the people you thought you could trust. You will get through it! You are such a wonderful mother!
I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through but so thankful that you continue to share! My little sister does online schooling through http://www.k12.com/ and is really enjoying herself. Best of luck to you & your family!
Depression sucks, I've dealt with it and have had numerous family and friends struggle with it as well, best wishes for the two of you. Also, I think penelope trunk's blog: http://homeschooling.penelopetrunk.com/ contains a lot of helpful information about homeschooling. When done right, your daughter will not only be safe from bullies, but can also thrive intellectually. Good luck.
yikes. i'm sorry you guys are going through that. i went through a few very tough years in high school and all i know for sure is that it gets better. college saved my life. good luck. i'm sending happy thoughts from hollywood.
Parenting is just plain ole hard. We are all doing the best we can possibly do. I think being there for your daughter and showing her that you are listening to her (as you obviously are doing) is the best thing at all times. You both are in my thoughts and prayers.
Of course I made it to the bottom of this post. It really pulled at my heart strings. I'm so sorry to hear about this situation. It saddens me so much that people can be so cruel. And for what reason??!!
Here's to homeschooling in a more positive enviroment and moving past the negative and into a better place. Thinking of you guys.
Thank you so much for your kind and supportive comments Brandy, Kristin and Abby! I will definitely be taking at look at the k-12 program. Thank you for your positive recommendation Abby! xo Ez
Gorgeous pic of you two. things will get better & when they do, we will all still be here following you because we cant imagine life without your inspiration xox
I am a lurker who enjoys your blog (and instagram photos) so much. But I decided I needed to come out of hiding just to let you know that I am rooting for your daughter. Know that there is a complete stranger on the other side of the ocean sending you positive thoughts and crossing their fingers that everything will just keep on getting better from here on out. All the best to both of you.
I wish all the best to you and your beautiful daughter! Thank you for sharing this with all of us! I think it's important that bullying does no longer remain on the tabu side and that people speak openly when it occurs! Have a wonderful New Year! :)
Oh my gosh Ez, this post made my blood run cold. What an upsetting situation, I think taking her out of school was the best thing. The social media/internet aspect of bullying is terrifying. What is wrong with people? Look my girl is just 4 and in preschool and I already see the "mean girl" thing and it's horrifying. Here's to better days and positivity. I'll keep you both in my thoughts and prayers.
Love to you both.
Ugh, I don't understand why kids have to be so terrible to each other. I don't know if you listen to Amanda Palmer at all but she recently had a great post on cyber bullying and the comments section is just an amazing outpouring of stories and support. http://www.amandapalmer.net/blog/2013010/
I honestly think that bullies pick up on kindness, intellect, and anything at all that makes you look weak or different. You haven't done anything wrong, and neither has your daughter!
I almost never comment on blogs, but I wanted to leave you my hope and wish for a wonderful new year for you and your daughter. Thank you for your honesty.
I remember seeing this picture of you on Instagram and thinking, they are having so much fun! You and your daughter deserve to be happy and I hope you soon find your balance again soon,
All the best in this new year,
Hi EZ, i'm so sorry to hear of these issues. I never understand why/how children can be so cruel. What does it gain for them? So upsetting. Anyway, don't worry about us, we'll be here waiting for you. Take your time, take care of yourself and your daughter. I'm thinking about you guys. Trust your instincts. you're a wonderful mother.
Hey, I'm so sorry to read a bit of what you are going through. Just a few years ago, I graduated high school from UNL Independent High School. My parents were at first hesitant, but after seeing me cry day after day headed to public high school, they made the decision that it would be best for me to study from home. UNL is all online. Since then, I graduated a year early from high school and a year early from college. I have been lucky enough to work with girls struggling with similar things that I did in high school and a few of them have joined UNL and love it! I would recommend it!
I'm SO SO sad to hear about your daughter Ez and want you to know that this is certainly not your fault. I was tormented by my "friends" in middle school as well... bullied, kicked out of my group, vicious rumors spread about me... the works. Multiple days I'd come home from school and cry that I'd never have any friends. 15 years later I have a core group of friends I consider part of my family. Growing up is tough enough without the added stress of bullies and the bullshit of their insecurities. I wish the very best to you and your daughter that things get better very soon. Things DO get better and they will. All my love to you both.
That is so hard, I'm sorry to hear it. I went through a similar hell (depression AND bullying) so I really am sorry. For what it's worth, even though you're worrying about doing the right thing, the fact that you're in tune enough to know and have your priorities ordered in such a way that you really care are two HUGE things you're doing right already. My parents didn't notice/didn't care and it would've made a world of difference I think. So know that. Good luck, I wish you both the best.
I'm a teacher, and have been for eleven years, and I can tell you that bullying has gotten so much worse even during just my short time as an educator. Smart phones and Facebook have made dealing with it an absolute nightmare, and the kids are always reeling from the attacks. I'm just sick for your daughter, and so grateful you found out and are doing what you know is best for her right now. I hope things get better soon!
I SO understand this. My youngest sister is 17 and has had to switch schools every year of high school because of bullying both at school and through facebook. People can be vicious, teens can be vicious. And teens hearts are just so raw in high school, it can hit so hard. Honestly, the bullying has not just hit my sister so hard that she has attempted suicide a few times but it has crushed my dad. For a long period of time, my sister just became enveloped by all of the horrible things haunting her and that hit my family so hard in such a sad and negative way. She always hit her lowest points and was tormented the deepest when each of us in our family just really needed a moment to have our own separate lives. We needed to breathe. But we couldn't because we knew we needed to keep her going. It is so hard giving up so much of yourself to take care of and save another, but ultimately it is worth the sacrifice. My sister is finally, after 4 tormented years, at a place where she seems pretty stable. But her grades are so low we don't know if she will graduated high school. She is incredibly intelligent but there is something inside of her that has given up on school.
I hope with all my heart that home schooling not only brings peace and comfort for your daughter but reminds her that she is in control of her own life, she is the one who holds the greatest power in her life, she HAS the will and the strength to power on, to take control of her emotions, her life, her mind, to push to whatever goals and dreams she may have. I hope that she is constantly reminded that she has a safe space, and safe home, respect, trust and love with you, her mama. Bullying to me is just pure torture. And I hope and pray your daughter is freed from that with home schooling. It was hard to get my sister to get off facebook, the place that ended up being the biggest center of bullying for her. But I hope that your daughter can take her own actions to get away from the centers of hate and hurt that are haunting her. She deserves the best, the greatest lightness, release, freedom, happiness, joy, love and peace. And I believe it will come. From a daughter who has seen her father's heart completely broken and beaten down because of the bullying his daughter experienced, you are NOT ALONE. You are a source of power and love and you are making all the right choices that you can at this moment in time. I believe in you and support you and you will both make it through. <3
SO much love from a sister who has been there, from a sister who has talked her baby sister down from committing suicide multiple times, this too shall pass. You are a rock and your daughter will see that and be thankful for that for the rest of her life.
xo Moorea
My heart cries for both of you. My daughter was bullied extensively through high school. It was the hardest time of my life and hers. We made it through and she did finally find a group of kids who accepted her for who she is. She has mild autism, but there is nothing mild about this disorder. While she functions in daily life she has social issues that became the brunt of the bullying.
Pulling her from her school is a good idea, also think about closing down facebook/social media at least in her real name and starting up fresh once she has made new friends. Keep you chins up, this to shall pass and as long as she knows she is loved she will make it through.
thank you so so much for sharing. i cannot begin to imagine how difficult it must be for you as a mother to witness your daughter suffering from demons that you have been so familiar with yourself. This photo you posted is stunning and captures you and your daughter in such a raw and beautiful moment. I believe that your daughter will grow up to be a confident, creative and strong woman. Good luck on your journey of unschooling/homeschooling moving foward. Brilliance will come out of this darkness.
b.
Thank you for your honesty. I was bullied as a kid, I have dealt with depression most of my life, and now I'm a high school teacher so I identify with this post on sadly on too many levels. While we do our best to keep them safe and secure in the class, we can't seem to do enough. Above all, I try to teach my students empathy and how to a human being, and most of the time, they are, but it's still too frequently that they turn to cruelty to deal with their own pain or selfishness. I worry about the kinds of adults they'll be...
I wish you and your daughter all the strength I can send you. We try to teach kids resiliency but it's difficult to teach them to bounce back when they are constantly being kicked. I'm also wishing you peace, which is a tough commodity to find these days. I hope you both remember that love is louder than hatefulness and cruelty. My love to you both!