Life Lately
Hi friends! I hope you had a wonderful holiday and that your year is off to a beautiful start.
Usually when I'm away on break I am flooded with ideas to share upon my return, but for the first time ever, that isn't the case. To be honest I am having a bout of bloggers block, and the more I've tried just get over it the more it persists. I'm hoping that just the acknowledgment of it and what life has been like for me over the past few weeks will clear things up, and I'll be back on track again soon. But until that happens, I apologize if posts here are a little sparse or a bit more on the nitty-gritty and not the pretty-pretty side that I'm sure most of us would prefer. Thanks for hanging in there with me.
So I left you back in December with a hasty mention of a "family crisis," and while I won't go into every detail for the sake of privacy, I do want to share a little bit with you about what has been going on.
To keep it brief…my daughter was once again the target of bullying. Unfortunately this time it was far more serious and came very close to having deadly repercussions. This time around social media was used to spread the pain far more quickly and involve many more people than "traditional" bullying that she's dealt with in the past. Being a teenager is difficult enough, and my daughter and I were already working on building up her self-esteem and facing her struggles with depression when this whole thing exploded. It seemed like things went from day to night in a split second. A former trusted friend of my daughter's created rumors to infest the internet with, they caught like wildfire, and my daughter's mental health plummeted.
The details of what happened are all very personal and painful, so I won't elaborate on the specifics more right now other than to say that I have never been more terrified in my entire life. I thought that dealing with my own past depression would be the worst thing I would ever have to deal with, but I was so horribly wrong. Facing and trying to figure out how to help a loved one survive it is so much worse.
I've been too busy worrying about my daughter (and not sleeping much either) to think of much else (hense the lack of cheery blog posts). The initial crisis has thankfully subsided (we've been doing a lot of things to distract away from the situation - see photo above), but the effects of what happened won't be so easily erased. Since the main perpetrators involved were the only friends my daughter felt safe with at her school (and I've since learned even more (sadistic) traits about one of those students that leaves me feeling that my daughter would not ever be safe around them), I have made the difficult decision (and she has begged me) to not send her back to her school. My daughter's mental health and safety needs will always trump any scholastic ones.
Now that the immediate crisis has been contained to a manageable level we have begun making plans for what the future will look like. A lot of it is unknown. For the time being my daughter will be schooling at home with me. I was home schooled quite a bit during my formative years, and while it wasn't always the best solution for me, and may not be for my daughter (that is yet to be determined)…at least I know that she will be safe. To fill the remainder of the year, I've started looking into online programs and in-person tutoring options as well, so if any of you have recommendations (or places I should steer clear of) I would greatly appreciate anything you have to share.
A few weeks out of this crisis I am feeling anxious but tentatively hopeful. I am trying not blame myself…it's always so easy to find blame in oneself if you start to look for it. I keep asking myself, why my kid? Why is she so often the victim of bullying? Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? The questions keep coming with few answers…so I am trying not to ask them. I am instead trying to focus on the positive and keep moving forward in a direction that is healthy for both my daughter and myself. It won't be simple or easy, but I know it's the right thing.
If you made it to the bottom of this post, thank you for reading. I promise to be back to sharing more traditional Creature Comforts content soon. Until then...xox Ez
P.S. The photo above was taken by my daughter during the distractionary (that's a word, right) road trip we took to Dallas, TX a little over a week ago. It captures us at our goofy best, makes me feel hopeful, and might be my favorite photo of all time (regardless of how dorky I look).
Monday, January 7, 2013 
Reader Comments (237)
I have found the Virtual homeschool group to be very helpful, and it's FREE!! I would also check for local homeschool classes, there are lots now! And I don't think you'll lack finding a great writing curriculum....;)
Sending hope to you and your daughter!
"Our imperfections are not flaws; they are what connect us to each other and to our humanity. Vulnerability may be at the core of fear and uncertainty, but it is also the birthplace of courage and compassion - exactly what we need to help us stop lashing out and start engaging with the world from a place of worthiness; a place where empathy and kindness matter." - Brené Brown
Brené Brown is an awesome source for vulnerabilities and embracing our imperfections! http://www.ordinarycourage.com
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/ordinary-courage/201010/the-cruelty-crisis-bullying-isnt-school-problem-its-national-pastime
i look back on my middle school/early high school years and still shudder. i was bullied in middle school, and though my high school was really good, i still felt so awkward for the first couple years there. it's a time you just need to GET THROUGH, and good things will then come. she'll find her group, her talents, she'll succeed, she'll be happy. but i'm so sorry you're in the thick of it now. it's so temporary but SO friggin hard. even harder as a mama, i'll bet. ((hugs)) to you both.
I am just so humbled by your kindness and support friends. Thank you for what you've given to me today. I will carry it with me always. xox Ez
I am so very sorry to hear this. My heart breaks for your daughter. I hate that kids can be so cruel. I will lift you and your daughter up in prayer. No wonder you have blogger's block- you have so much going on. I wish you both well.
I love you guys. Both of you. That's all I got right now. Just love.
Hi Ez!
Like many before me, I am so sorry to hear about what your daughter and you are going through. I wish you both best in this uphill battle with bullying and I hope you'll be victorious in the end. I think, Ez, you are doing everything you could possibly do in this situation and at this point homeschooling seems like a good decision. I am not a parent, but I read a lot of stories about successful homeschooling. My thoughts are with you and your daughter.
Thank you for being so honest with us, your readers. I don't know that I would ever be this brave to just let everyone know what you're going through. I hope you will be able to find a great alternative schooling for your daughter that would benefit her academic and also for her as individual to continue to grow in to a wonderful woman. Bullying is more awful than words can describe and even worse when it's done by "friends."
Thank you for sharing your story and your life.
Wishing you and your daughter all the best. You are an amazing Mom, hold your chin up high!
I am so sorry your beautiful daughter and you are having to go through this. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Very cute photo! xxx
wow, i think we're all having the same reaction...bullying is terrible!! you + your daughter are so brave to get through it together, and she is so lucky to have such a caring mother who listens to + supports her when she needs it most. it boggles the mind that people can be so cruel to each other, and i really hope she knows that she is so much better than those who try to drag her down.
is there anything i can do to help? it seems that there are so many of us who are willing to "fight" the bullies (for lack of a better term!), but not many ways to do so...so please let me know if/how i can help!
in the meantime, i send so much love, to both you + your daughter. you can do it!!! <333
So sorry you and your daughter are in such a painful place. Wishing you both well and cheering you on to better days ahead!! Hugs!!
I'm so sorry your daughter is going through such a hard time and how hard it must be for you as well. Please know that I am praying for you both.
Dear Ez, your post really touched me and I am so sorry your daughter is going through this. I can understand as a mother, what a tough and emotional time it must be for you to see this happening to your girl and to make difficult decisions and changes to your lives. Being bullied is absolutely horrible, it is horrible being a kid and being made to feel awful, to feel powerless. I hope you and your daughter take the time to read my post and letter on this very subject and find strength and empowerment to get through a very difficult time. I want your daughter to know that she is not alone, that others before her have had similar experiences and not to lose sight of what an amazing individual she is. http://www.gutsygirl.com.au/1/post/2012/10/dear-bullies.html
much love, Sharyn
I`m really sorry to hear about you and your daughters struggles. I used to teach high school in the States, so I definitely can understand how difficult this situation is. Anyway, I am unsure how old your daughter is but if she is in high school, once she feels better, a foreign exchange program might be great. I know quite a few students that did it and it worked out really well. As well, I know Rotary sponsor scholarships for such exchanges. I currently study and teach in Japan and highly recommend it. If you have any other questions, feel free to email me.
That photos is AMAZING! You both look carefree and fabulous! I applaud the strength you obviously have to write such a tender and exposing letter about your life. I'm sending you many many good wishes for a fabulous outcome. Stay strong. x
Ez, I love this pic of the 2 of you as well and it's a testament to your efforts and hard work that you've managed to capture some joy in a very tough time. Sending you both much love and best wishes for a brighter 2013. You're making some tough, wise decisions. Good on you. Steph x
Thank you for sharing what you and your daughter have been going through. I was home schooled through middle school and high school for a lot of the same reasons. I still deal with depression but knowing I have the best support group in my mom and dad, and now my husband, has helped me through so many rough patches. You're doing the right thing by following your motherly instincts and your heart. I agree that your daughter will be thankful for that. With home school curriculum we did a lot of random things and somehow it all came together. I know Charlotte Mason was a big inspiration for my mum. Also know that because you have such an online presence you also have a large extended family that supports you... All of your readers! Sending you warmth and love!
My heart goes out to you and your daughter. I think taking her out of school really shows her you know it's not her fault and that she has no control over the situation, which I think is so important as a message to her and for her self esteem.
Making a drastic change often brings something better along - and I'm sure the future holds truly wonderful things for you both.
Hang in there, both of you <3 I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Life isn't always cheery and I thank you for writing honestly about how things have been. I too suffer from depression since childhood. For all it's worth, here's a virtual hug to both of you.
BEST PICTURE EVER. and you are clearly the best mom ever. It has always shone through how much you adore your daughter and how you would do anything for her. I am so sorry she had to go through this, and you as well. Be well, and know that many many positive thoughts are coming your way for you both. Take care, sweet girl (that's for your kiddo!) and be strong, mama (that's for you!) xoxoxoxo
Thank you for sharing such a difficult experience. I hope that your daugter will recover swiftly and without lasting trauma. Stay strong! It's good to read about your actual experience - it's more honest and real this way, but I hope life will give you reason to write cheery posts very soon.
All the best in 2013!
So sorry to hear you and your daughter are having to go through something like this. People can be so cruel to each other, and when we are younger it can be especially hard to deal with. Kudos to you for standing up for your daughter's welfare and doing what you need to to get her away from those kids. Personally, I love the photo of the two of you- it looks like you are both having a blast. Best of luck to both of you!
~Lori
The question to ask is: what the heck is wrong with people (meaning those bullies)? Reading things like this makes me so upset at mankind in general. There are so many good, wonderful things to be discovered in each of our fellow human beings, so why do people not strive to bring out the best in others at all times? I can only shake my head... and reach out a hand to help in whatever way I can.
Homeschooling is a lovely alternative and if you want a nice book about how it can really give your daughter wings to fly then try reading the book 'And the Skylark Sings With Me' by David H. Albert. The beauty of homeschooling is that your daughter can make it whatever she wants and needs. She can focus on who she really is and more directly work on what she wants to do and where she wants to go in life. Don't think it's just sitting at home doing learning from books, or even the online courses. Depending on your state there are lots of options and at 16 years of age, she could possibly qualify for some community college courses which then get her credits in both high school and college. (Foreign languages are good choices for college courses.) Working in a nature center can be considered biology and science; visiting local landmarks is history; online are literally zillions of cool options, SUPER cool options.
This was a good move. Look at this at the start of taking control!
Hugs!
Thinking sunny, sunny thoughts for the both of you. Wishing you a shiny 2013! H xx