Life Lately
Hi friends! I hope you had a wonderful holiday and that your year is off to a beautiful start.
Usually when I'm away on break I am flooded with ideas to share upon my return, but for the first time ever, that isn't the case. To be honest I am having a bout of bloggers block, and the more I've tried just get over it the more it persists. I'm hoping that just the acknowledgment of it and what life has been like for me over the past few weeks will clear things up, and I'll be back on track again soon. But until that happens, I apologize if posts here are a little sparse or a bit more on the nitty-gritty and not the pretty-pretty side that I'm sure most of us would prefer. Thanks for hanging in there with me.
So I left you back in December with a hasty mention of a "family crisis," and while I won't go into every detail for the sake of privacy, I do want to share a little bit with you about what has been going on.
To keep it brief…my daughter was once again the target of bullying. Unfortunately this time it was far more serious and came very close to having deadly repercussions. This time around social media was used to spread the pain far more quickly and involve many more people than "traditional" bullying that she's dealt with in the past. Being a teenager is difficult enough, and my daughter and I were already working on building up her self-esteem and facing her struggles with depression when this whole thing exploded. It seemed like things went from day to night in a split second. A former trusted friend of my daughter's created rumors to infest the internet with, they caught like wildfire, and my daughter's mental health plummeted.
The details of what happened are all very personal and painful, so I won't elaborate on the specifics more right now other than to say that I have never been more terrified in my entire life. I thought that dealing with my own past depression would be the worst thing I would ever have to deal with, but I was so horribly wrong. Facing and trying to figure out how to help a loved one survive it is so much worse.
I've been too busy worrying about my daughter (and not sleeping much either) to think of much else (hense the lack of cheery blog posts). The initial crisis has thankfully subsided (we've been doing a lot of things to distract away from the situation - see photo above), but the effects of what happened won't be so easily erased. Since the main perpetrators involved were the only friends my daughter felt safe with at her school (and I've since learned even more (sadistic) traits about one of those students that leaves me feeling that my daughter would not ever be safe around them), I have made the difficult decision (and she has begged me) to not send her back to her school. My daughter's mental health and safety needs will always trump any scholastic ones.
Now that the immediate crisis has been contained to a manageable level we have begun making plans for what the future will look like. A lot of it is unknown. For the time being my daughter will be schooling at home with me. I was home schooled quite a bit during my formative years, and while it wasn't always the best solution for me, and may not be for my daughter (that is yet to be determined)…at least I know that she will be safe. To fill the remainder of the year, I've started looking into online programs and in-person tutoring options as well, so if any of you have recommendations (or places I should steer clear of) I would greatly appreciate anything you have to share.
A few weeks out of this crisis I am feeling anxious but tentatively hopeful. I am trying not blame myself…it's always so easy to find blame in oneself if you start to look for it. I keep asking myself, why my kid? Why is she so often the victim of bullying? Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? The questions keep coming with few answers…so I am trying not to ask them. I am instead trying to focus on the positive and keep moving forward in a direction that is healthy for both my daughter and myself. It won't be simple or easy, but I know it's the right thing.
If you made it to the bottom of this post, thank you for reading. I promise to be back to sharing more traditional Creature Comforts content soon. Until then...xox Ez
P.S. The photo above was taken by my daughter during the distractionary (that's a word, right) road trip we took to Dallas, TX a little over a week ago. It captures us at our goofy best, makes me feel hopeful, and might be my favorite photo of all time (regardless of how dorky I look).
Monday, January 7, 2013 
Reader Comments (237)
I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter's struggle with depression and bullies. I'm a high school teacher, so I see it all too often :(
As far as I can tell, bullies specifically choose to target people who they think are stronger than them. Honest truth. Take it from an expert!
Hoping that things start to improve for you both! Take heart, you both have the strength to get through this, I'm sure.
Hi Ez,
I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. That is totally awful.
Forgive me if I'm overstepping here, but is your daughter in therapy? I wonder if talking to someone objective to her situation might be good for her, particularly, since you say, this is something that seems to keep happening to her.
As for school: are there any other schools in town she could go to? Though her immediate happiness is obviously super important, in the long run, I hope she can learn some strategies that will help her socially and she will be able to be a part of a school community she feels safe and happy in. Taking her out of school for good probably wouldn't help her learn this.
Praying praying praying for your daughter and your entire family. Depression is so heartwrenchingly hard to deal with yourself and then to see a loved one deal with it ends up being tat much worse.
"It captures us at our goofy best, makes me feel hopeful, and might be my favorite photo of all time (regardless of how dorky I look)."
I think you look like a rockstar in that photo.
I am very sorry things have gone sideways again. I don't know why it keeps happening to you, but I have a small theory. If your daughter is as genuine and sensitive as you are, it would definitely make her a target to sarcastic, bitchy teenagers. The thing is, when she's an adult, she will hopefully be recognized as wonderful for having these traits.
Love to you both.
oh honey, i'm so sorry for all you and your precious daughter have been facing...i'm so thankful she has you for a mom...i'm praying for you both and i know that you guys will make it through...i don't understand why and how people can be so cruel, but they are the true losers in life...hugs to you both!
Thinking of you, Ez. May you continue to find the emotional fortitude you need to help your daughter and help yourself.
Ez,
Just wanted to say that my thoughts go out to you and your daughter! You both are so lovely and it made me so sad to hear this series of events. I think you did the right thing and hope that this time will give your daughter the opportunity to possibly uncover some new things to get excited about it when it comes to learning! :) Lots of hugs to you both!
xoxo,
Amber
I've been getting bad bloggers block too lately! I think it's that transition period after the holidays .. it's never easy! This photo is adorable, it reminds me of me and my younger sister!
I love your blog!
xoxo
Ez Thanks for posting this. I know it's extremely private and painful. But I have to admit I'm going through some crazy stuff with my 12 year daughter also. I remember being picked on and absolutely couldn't wait to get through junior high. Now I can't wait for my daughter to be through with it. Its gotten so much worse!! The depression thes kids can go through is horrible. Unfortunately for me my daughter started cutting. So everytime we look at her arms we are reminded of how bad she felt. It's the WORST thing in the world when your only job is to protect your child and you think you're doing the best you can, but you're not. I feel like I've failed her terribly. I understand the hurt you and your daughter are going through. My best wishes to you and you're child. Home schooling or not, you do whats right for the both of you. I support you completely!!!!
Ez-thinking of you and your daughter. I love the photo! You both look awesome.
Big hugs to you both. Nowadays I don't deal with too many bullies but when life is difficult I remind myself that I am more than the things that happen to me or have happened to me and not to let bad situations consume me. Of course, some days are better than others.
Hello there,
First, I'm so sorry to hear about the difficulties that you and your sweet daughter have been facing recently. You two are such lovely people and it breaks my heart to think of you having to face such a scary and cruel situation. I have struggled with depression and anxiety on and off, so my heart goes out to your daughter. It's so hard to be under that cloud. I'm a praying person, as well as a gal who was home schooled back in the day, so I will be praying for this next semester for you and your daughter.
Additionally, I just rediscovered your blog before Christmas. I would visit from time to time a couple of years ago but got out of the habit. Let me tell ya - it's good to be back! Your site is so refreshing and inspirational. Few bloggers come across like you do - real, kind, creative, genuine and not self obsessed. You're not posting 37 pictures of yourself wearing a new shade of lip stick, but you do share candidly about your life and the things you love and I appreciate that.
So thank you for your happy blog and sharing your talents with us. I'm truly sorry that nasty, ignorant people have made things hard for your sweet little family. Praying for a comfy, cozy, safe and peaceful new year for you and yours.
Cheers,
Emily
that super sucks that people are bullying her. i wish there was an easy fix but as you are all too aware it is an insidious and pervasive action that is all but impossible to curtail.
please tell her often and always that it gets better, middle and high school were not my best years, but i always knew that i wasn't meant to peak, or even shine, during those years. i didn't.
but now, as an adult, i have formed amazing relationships that stand the crucibles of years, distance, time and disagreements, and am better for the shite years of my youth.
Dear Ez,
I check your blog regularly, and your posts always brighten my day. I hope that this comments section can do the same for you and your daughter, if only for a bit. You both deserve to be happy after the difficult time you described in your most recent post. If it helps at all, know that there are many people wishing you well.
I have been thinking of you! I began to get concerned when I did not see a new post for a few days. I hate to hear the news. One of the young girls I work with has been the subject of bullying and I just hate it. I will be be keeping you in my prayers!
So sorry to hear about the difficulties you & your daughter have been through. From a totally different perspective and experiences, I empathize.
sending love and strength your way.
My heart is over flowing with emotions for you and your daughter. Mainly heart ache. You are obviously a wonderful mother! It's very clear in this post and pasts that you encourage your daughter to be herself and to be creative. Both of those things make you different as a teenager. You will do whats right for your daughter, and I will definitely be praying for you both. Watching your child struggle is so much harder than struggling yourself.
So, so sorry that you and your daughter are going through this. You are in my prayers. Hope things look up soon.
Oh Ez. I am not much of a hugger, but I wish I could embrace you and your wonderful daughter right now and take away the hurt.
A dear, dear friend of mine (and her sister) both switched to homeschooling because of bullying and learning differences, and they've both done incredibly well. My friend is about to graduate from college and her sister is about to finish high school, and though they're both energetic social girls, homeschool has been wonderful for them. I also teach writing for a few homeschooling families, and love seeing the way that they get to do so much self-directed learning, and the way that they bond with their parents. So I've seen a lot of good--even if it isn't always easy! You may want to see if there are any homeschool consortiums or part-time schools in your area. Sometimes they're pricey, but other times you can find parents who will share resources and advice. I know that homeschool groups and consortiums have been really helpful for the families I know.
And your daughter is beautiful and wonderful--I can tell just from the way you write about her. I hope she knows that all these people are cheering for her--and, most importantly, she has you cheering for her.
My prayers are with you both!
I'm so sorry to hear what your daughter is going through, bullies these days are so much more cruel using social media. It's obvious you love your daughter very much, with your support she will be ok though I'm sure it will take time for her to heal.
Awww man. That sucks. =/
I hope your daughter will enjoy the homeschooling. I had pretty bad clinical depression when I was a teen (which was later re-diagnosed as bipolar), but I never had to deal with stuff like that. Was a bit lonely though. I was home schooled and unschooled (thanks in part to John Taylor Gatto) all through my growing up years, which I'm thankful for, but wish I could've made more friends as a teenager. =P Helps so much if you have even one friend or two whom you can trust, and supportive parents you can talk with. Before my depression began, I was dumped by a couple friends I really cared about. So yeah... Loneliness just adds to the stress and sadness.
Hmm, my mom used various home school programs from different publishers for each subject (Math-U-See for math, etc), because that way she could tailor to our unique learning styles. But that can be a lot of hassle.
As far as the whole bullying issue, I think Hold On to Your Kids by Gordan Neufeild might be helpful in working through it all. He presents a pretty interesting explanation for this kind of behavior, and how to give your kids the support they need to feel secure. I've a feeling your already pretty good at that part, though. =)
My heart is breaking for your daughter... No one should endure what she has, let alone multiple times. Sending strength and love for both of you.
I come from a family with a lot of homeschooling (not only were my 5 siblings and I homeschooled on and off over the years, but so were my aunt's 7 kids and my uncle's 4) and have seen how well it can work for a kid that just needs some space to be themselves without the pressure of the school social system. I think it is fair to say that we have all grown into adults that are more comfortable with being who we are, liking what we like and doing what we love to do. It is not perfect and I wouldn't say that we are all free of insecurities or that we never question our choices, but I do know that we were all able to learn in an environment where we felt safe and loved. So I have nothing but good thoughts for the two of you as you face this educational adventure together!
On a practical matter, my younger sister is the only one of us kids still doing school at home and my mom knew that the two of them needed some help this year so she was signed up for an online/work from home charter school program that they both love. Just something you might want to look into.
Ez, I remember when you first broke the news about your daughter's bullying back in NJ. I'm so sorry to hear that this has happened again. I too was a victim of bullying in middle school and it really warped my trust in people as well as my sense of self. It took me until my mid to late 20s to figure out how to be friends with people. I think I would have been better off if I'd been homeschooled - which is why I applaud your decision. Who knows why certain kids are bullied over others? That's not the right question to ask in any case, because frequently there's nothing wrong with the kids who are bullied. The question to ask is why certain kids bully others in the first place.