Life Lately
Hi friends! I hope you had a wonderful holiday and that your year is off to a beautiful start.
Usually when I'm away on break I am flooded with ideas to share upon my return, but for the first time ever, that isn't the case. To be honest I am having a bout of bloggers block, and the more I've tried just get over it the more it persists. I'm hoping that just the acknowledgment of it and what life has been like for me over the past few weeks will clear things up, and I'll be back on track again soon. But until that happens, I apologize if posts here are a little sparse or a bit more on the nitty-gritty and not the pretty-pretty side that I'm sure most of us would prefer. Thanks for hanging in there with me.
So I left you back in December with a hasty mention of a "family crisis," and while I won't go into every detail for the sake of privacy, I do want to share a little bit with you about what has been going on.
To keep it brief…my daughter was once again the target of bullying. Unfortunately this time it was far more serious and came very close to having deadly repercussions. This time around social media was used to spread the pain far more quickly and involve many more people than "traditional" bullying that she's dealt with in the past. Being a teenager is difficult enough, and my daughter and I were already working on building up her self-esteem and facing her struggles with depression when this whole thing exploded. It seemed like things went from day to night in a split second. A former trusted friend of my daughter's created rumors to infest the internet with, they caught like wildfire, and my daughter's mental health plummeted.
The details of what happened are all very personal and painful, so I won't elaborate on the specifics more right now other than to say that I have never been more terrified in my entire life. I thought that dealing with my own past depression would be the worst thing I would ever have to deal with, but I was so horribly wrong. Facing and trying to figure out how to help a loved one survive it is so much worse.
I've been too busy worrying about my daughter (and not sleeping much either) to think of much else (hense the lack of cheery blog posts). The initial crisis has thankfully subsided (we've been doing a lot of things to distract away from the situation - see photo above), but the effects of what happened won't be so easily erased. Since the main perpetrators involved were the only friends my daughter felt safe with at her school (and I've since learned even more (sadistic) traits about one of those students that leaves me feeling that my daughter would not ever be safe around them), I have made the difficult decision (and she has begged me) to not send her back to her school. My daughter's mental health and safety needs will always trump any scholastic ones.
Now that the immediate crisis has been contained to a manageable level we have begun making plans for what the future will look like. A lot of it is unknown. For the time being my daughter will be schooling at home with me. I was home schooled quite a bit during my formative years, and while it wasn't always the best solution for me, and may not be for my daughter (that is yet to be determined)…at least I know that she will be safe. To fill the remainder of the year, I've started looking into online programs and in-person tutoring options as well, so if any of you have recommendations (or places I should steer clear of) I would greatly appreciate anything you have to share.
A few weeks out of this crisis I am feeling anxious but tentatively hopeful. I am trying not blame myself…it's always so easy to find blame in oneself if you start to look for it. I keep asking myself, why my kid? Why is she so often the victim of bullying? Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? The questions keep coming with few answers…so I am trying not to ask them. I am instead trying to focus on the positive and keep moving forward in a direction that is healthy for both my daughter and myself. It won't be simple or easy, but I know it's the right thing.
If you made it to the bottom of this post, thank you for reading. I promise to be back to sharing more traditional Creature Comforts content soon. Until then...xox Ez
P.S. The photo above was taken by my daughter during the distractionary (that's a word, right) road trip we took to Dallas, TX a little over a week ago. It captures us at our goofy best, makes me feel hopeful, and might be my favorite photo of all time (regardless of how dorky I look).
Monday, January 7, 2013 
Reader Comments (237)
my heart truly goes out to you! i have a 16 year old daughter(as well as a younger one)and while we too have dealt with bullying, it has not been to the level i imagine you've dealt with. our situation also lead to homeschooling(though we'd previously used this option, so it wasn't such a leap). i believe that homeschooling has been the best thing i've done for her- with almost :) total certainty...maybe along with a mutual decision to forgo facebook. we've used susan wise bauer's well trained mind as a guide for years now and i love it. it gives lots of options- but not too many- and why they feel they are the best options out there. there is a lot a independent direction and choice and allowing for tailoring to the student. best wishes to you both. this photo drew me in, bc i know how important a moment like that is for mother and daughter! you were made for each other and she needs you more than any other social situation! love to you!
how completely terrible for you and your daughter... there was a vicious circle of girls i grew up with which made it their business to constantly cycle through which of the girls was the castout for a week or whatever, for the stupidest and most petty of reasons -- having a scapegoat for the majority's nastiness seemed to make the majority feel better about themselves, feel included, powerful, and important. when, after having endured all the rudeness, teasing, rumor-spreading, ignoring, etc., the rejected girl was re-included as another girl was cast out, she was so grateful to be back "in" that it only perpetuated the cycle. i survived it, somehow (they were the only girls my age in my neighborhood, so it was either join them or go it alone, which i was too weak to do at the time), and i completely empathize with the pain you and your daughter are wading through. take heart, though: there is an end to the dark dark tunnel, and with you and your daughter working together and supporting and loving each other, you'll both emerge and know better what your best selves are and how to live your best lives (read: by recognizing and shedding associations with such negative people). my own mom helped me through those difficult years (even when i resisted and fought and lashed out), and now we've the best mother-daughter relationship of anyone i can think of. :)
sending you ever so much light and love...
season
thank you for sharing your guts.
your girl is lucky to have you.
hopefully sunny skies are straight ahead - for the both of you.
love, lindsay
Oh it pains me to read this. I'm so sorry you and your daughter have had to go through so much. Prayers for you and your family!
Stay strong, Kelli
Just wanted to post and say I am thinking about you. And hope both you and your daughter find some peace and some movement forward amidst the crap. xo
Wow, I am so sorry to read this.. Like someone above said, this really pulled at my heart strings too. I love reading your blog every morning, and I follow you on Instagram too. Although I do not know you Ez, I strongly, strongly admire that honesty. It is so brave to put such a personal thing out for the world to see. Bullying to the extent you are speaking of is out of control. I truly feel for your daughter. She is so lucky to have a mother that is really listening to her. She will know some day, that it is about those other girls, that they have issues and that they are the ones suffering, not her. It is a hard lesson that I have had to learn at 24. I wish you both the best in the new year.
You are a great mother!!! Stop looking for someone or something to blame, let alone yourself! Just accept that it happened and leave it behind. Sometimes (most of the time) we don't need to understand the reason why, right then and there, when negative things happen. Let it go, and move on! I am absolutely sure you are a wonderful mom and your daughter needs you to be there for her, which you are one hundred percent! And the fact that you two have each other in this situation is everything you really need! To be there for one another! So look ahead, don't look back! The solution is in the present moment!
I am sending smiles and hugs your way! Keep you head up, and despite not being able to see the end of the tunnel, you will get out of it! I absolutely know you will, just believe it wholeheartedly! :)
xx,
Erika
I have been wondering about how things were going with you and your family. So sorry to hear about this situation with your daughter! I am originally from Oklahoma, and a trip to Dallas always sounded exciting. :) And now I live there (in the suburbs). I hope your time away was a good time for you both and that this is just the beginning of bright hope and new possibilities. Homeschooling and working from home together sounds like really good mother-daughter time! And good healing time. Even good educational time--she can study what she needs to study but also do more of what she is interested in. Wishing you the best and praying for healing. xo
Hugs and good vibes to you, your daughter, and the rest of your family. Your daughter is so lucky to have a mom that supports her very best interests. Wishing you all the best as this new chapter for you both begins. xoxo
Sending huge hugs to you both! I have nieces who around your daughter's age (12 and 15) and it really amazes me the things they face these days that I feel we never did as kids. Bullying, peer pressure, very adult temptations that I don't remember in my days of watching chick flicks and tying complicated braids at sleepovers with my girlfriends. And the sad truth is, the influx of social media and technology really hasn't helped the situation, even though it's the very advent of these things that has allowed so many of us to chase our dreams. The irony isn't lost on me as I'm sure it's not for you either. At any rate, I'm sure my rambling doesn't serve much of a purpose, but I hope you know that we're all pulling for you and your family. Your daughter certainly deserves all the happiness in the world and she's lucky to have you help her find it!
This saddens me so much! Since becoming a teen librarian I see the effects of bullying every day. We've had to deal with the Facebook death threats and group bulling within the library. While I do everything I can to create a safe environment for all teens in my library, I know that it still happens at school, on the bus, on the streets. Teens are vicious. Do what you have to do to get your precious girl through this hard time.
My heart just ached when I read this. I'm emailing some love your way. You ladies are just too beautiful for words. This picture needs to go great big canvas. Perfect
xo-the Rebel
this is just the worst. being a teenager is so tough and I hate that your daughter is suffering, Ez. wishing you both the best!!
Ez, I am so sorry to hear what you and your daughter have both been through. Although it may not seem like it now, I'm sure your daughter will come out the other side of these experiences a much stronger and compassionate person; two traits that are invaluable for a fulfilling adult life.
Don't worry about the blog or your readers at this time, we'll all be here when you have the time to focus on work. Right now there's nothing more important than you and your daughter.
Wow, I too very rarely comment on blogs, but have to applaud you for your honesty, strength and courage in how you're dealing with this with your daughter and through your blog. May it be truly onwards and upwards for you and your daughter in 2013...
Hi Ez,
I've been eagerly awaiting the return of your blog posts, and was excited when I woke up to a new post this morning!
I'm so sorry to hear you are having a difficult time, I hope that the new year brings a fresh start and happier times.
Take care, Kate (Brisbane, Australia)
So many of us stop in here for the daily infusion of beauty, but this post reminds me that I stop here for honesty as well. Thank you for sharing with us. Best wishes for your daughter, and for you. She has a wonderful, caring mother and a good role model. Don't underestimate that power.
I have been thinking of you and your daughter, and I sincerely hope that you both are able to find a solution that makes you both feel comfortable and confident. I was picked on in gradeschool, but thankfully it never escalated to such serious levels. And social media didn't exist. I don't know of any organizations or websites to suggest, but I think your positive parenting, compassion and concern makes such a difference!
I will send you both some optimistic vibes :)
Hello,
I'm an avid reader of your blog and this post really touched me. Please tell your daughter that she is in my thoughts, as I was bullied when I was young and I know the feeling of cruel loneliness. I don't have kids yet, and this is one thing that I fear about having kids: if they ever get bullied, seeing all those parents struggling to find help for their kids. I just don't understand how schools are not more helpful with those cases. Why dont they meet with the bully, why doesn't the bully get counselling? He\she needs it as much as their victims! They have to realise how hurtful they are being. It pains me to see that it always seems to be the victim of bulliyng that needs to move away, because nothing is done to punish and educate the bullies. I wish you and your daughter a lot of hapiness and joy!
I am so sorry you and your daughter are having to deal with these troubles. Your love for her is evident to all your readers and it will keep her safe. Happy thoughts for you both moving forward.
Thanks for sharing with us in hopes of helping someone else in even the smallest way. A reminder to us mommies of little ones that the battles are everyday and always, but love never hurts at any age. Thinking of you both and praying that the best path for education and happiness will emerge.
EZ, I'm so sorry to hear this about your daughter. It brings tears to my eyes as I was bullied in school too and nothing like what your daughter has gone through but even what I went through was very very hard. We didn't have the option of homeschooling then and my parents felt I needed to confront it but I have to say as wonderful as my parents are I think homeschooling would have done wonders for me. I think you made the right choice. I also know how difficult going through these types of situations as a single mother are too. So hang in there. I'm sending you and your daughter positive thoughts. Have faith that there is more good in the world than bad and what goes around comes around. Stay strong.
There was a comment above about closing down her social media accounts, at least for a little while, and I really think that's the best idea. I have had to do the same after backlash over a relationship ending, and realising that allowing myself to have that instant access to reply to what goaded me made me realise that connectivity is not always a good thing. A complete break might give her some time to get her head clear. I really hope she comes through this quickly and doesn't let it break her down. Things do get better. Good luck and best wishes to the both of you.
I am not a parent yet, but I think what you are doing is amazing. My theory on parenting is that the MOST important thing is listening and raising kids to know you are there for them. Your daughter obviously trusts you and you have a wonderful relationship.
I have had a hard time blogging lately too... I think we all just need to go easy on ourselves.
I wish the best for you both!
I can imagine having to deal with something like this distracts from everything else!! Sending big hugs and hope that you're both doing better this side of what happened.