Enough is Enough
One quote has been racketing through my brain for the past few days, and that is: "You must do the thing you think you cannot do" by Eleanor Roosevelt. Today I found out why when my daughter came out of school and told me that she'd been intentionally slammed against the wall by another girl in her class. The force that she was smashed into the wall with caused her to crumple to the floor in pain. The lunch aid on duty saw what happened, recognized the pain my daughter was in and said she would report the assault...but then proceeded to walk away and do no such thing. If you follow me on twitter then you might recall the extremely difficult time we've been having with her school and the relentless bullying that she's been enduring. Reporting the offenders has gone nowhere and the bullying has only gained momentum. The last time I spoke with the school about the threats and harassment I was told by the school's guidance counsellor that this is "normal every day behavior and that my daughter should get used to it because 6th grade would be worse." This was said in response to my concerns over daily threats from a girl who said she was planning to beat my daughter up on the last day of school. Other kids were in on the plan and found great enjoyment in reminding my daughter every day how fun it was going to be to see her get beat up...and that they were planning to bring their video cameras to record it. And yes, her school claims to have "zero tolerance for bullying"...hosts anti-bullying rallies and conferences...and coats their hallways with anti-bullying posters. Clearly talk and action are two entirely different things.
So I did what I never would have thought I could do...I pulled her out of school. My daughter's physical and emotional health were hanging in the balance and I could not just sit around idly and wait to see what would happen next. I need to be her advocate. She needs to know that even if an entire school system thinks abuse is acceptable or is willing to look the other way...I will not. How else can I teach her to stand up for and respect herself? I know I've made the right decision, but it is a choice that is not taken lightly. This change of course means that a lot will be in flux for us in the coming weeks. Not only have I pulled her out of school, but we are packing up and relocate to Oklahoma (you can read more about our move over on Creature Comforts) next Monday (yes, only a week to pack).
I am trying to remain as positive as possible and feel hopeful that good things are in store for us in the near future. I have tried to make the best out of our move to New Jersey and what has been an overwhelmingly negative past 8 months...but there comes a time when enough is enough. I have come to realize that this place is just not for us, and we are moving on.
Thanks to all of you who have offered your kind words of support here and on Twitter! Your encouragement and thoughtfulness has helped me more than I can say. I will not be updating this blog for a while (until we have things set back up in in our new home). See you then. xox Ez
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| by Ez Monday, March 22, 2010 
Reader Comments (63)
I hope you and your daughter find peace in your new move. The public school system is frightening (I've taught in it for years) so congratulations for being a parent who is aware of what is going on. I hope your baby girl is okay and that this move will heal you both. God Bless.
I'm so happy for you! For a few reasons (and I've been reading and commenting about your ordeal on twitter). 1. You're brave enough to stand up for your daughter. 2. You're taking a risk by moving and for good reasons. 3. You and your daughter need a fresh start and you've put her first in your life (awesome!).
You're a good mom and cheers to you for recognizing an awful problem that happens to many (including myself, it was terrifying) and it's difficult to get over the bullying.
The school is disgusting for not taking this matter into their own hands! Shame on them! And more than likely the girl(s) who are/were bullying your daughter will now move on to someone else.
Good luck and take your time!!!!
oh my word, that is horrible. you poor things! I'm appalled by the response of the school administration. I was the subject of horrible bullying in middle school/jr high in multiple schools (we moved a lot and i really did dress dorky), however the teachers and administration were always supportive and active in advocating for me, even back in the 80's! I really hope this fresh start will be the the one you need. I like how you're moving to be near family, that'll be a huge source of support for both of you as well. hugs.
What a good mom-- and you're teaching her what being a good mom is!
Good luck with your move :)
I think you did just right. All my support to yoyu and your daughter.
I am so proud of you for not just sitting by the wayside! Your daughter must be really happy to have a mum like you. I wish you all the best of luck with your move to Oklahoma - I have a feeling that this will be really good for you guys. Don't worry about the blogs, just take your time and get settled in; we'll all be here when you get back!
Dearest Ez, I was so sorry to hear what an awful time you have been having lately. I read your blogs daily although i hardly ever comment because i am lazy. Sorry.
It is terrible that such things have to happen to our children especially in a place where they should be nurtured and protected. Unfortunately these things do happen, they happen here in the UK too. The school should be ashamed of how they have handled the situation.
I am glad that you have made the decision to move on. Hopefully you will settle well in your new house (from the sounds of it anything would be better than your apartment). It is hard leaving behind friends but good friends will always keep in touch and be there for you.
Take care of yourself and your daughter. oxo
Ez,
You are an awesome Mom for showing your daughter that she is the most important to you. I'm so sorry that she would have to go through something like that and all the seemly negative things that have come your way since your move. I will be praying for an easy adjustment for you and your daughter for this next move. Sounds like it will be good for you two to be near your family again.
Hi Ez,
I've long enjoyed your Creature Comforts Web site and have followed you here. Just sending a little light your way and letting you know that your daughter will never forget how you stood up for her when she needed it!
I've never commented before but have lurked for a while now :) Just wanted to say I think what you did was completely right and definitely in the best interest of your daughter. I'm actually writing my dissertation on bullying and its effect on mental health and behavior problems - specifically drug initiation and use. I won't bore you with the specifics but basically, experiencing bullying - especially chronic - is a huge risk factor for anxiety, depression, increased loneliness, drug use, etc. etc. Good for you for standing up for your daughter - you seem like a wonderful mother. Best of luck.
One of my coworkers just did the exactly same thing with her daughter -- pulled her out of a school that was doing nothing to stop her bullying, despite conferences, etc. As a person that was bullied as a child, I respect your decision so much. You are teaching your child that there is always an out -- that no one has to put up with untenable circumstances.
Best of luck on your move. I'll definitely be waiting for more news when you're settled.
that is so sad, and horrible! i also think it's quite rude of the counselor to tell you that your daughter should put up with the bullying. i'm really so sorry that this is happening, but i think you're a wonderful mom and i hope you and your daughter are happy in your new home!
all the best!
Nature vs. nurture. Def a good bit of both for you right now Ez. Continue to trust & follow your instincts as you have, and you and your daughter will always find yourselves in a comfortable & healthy environment .....where you can both thrive. I wish you the very best as you make your way in your new home. My heart goes out to you...
You should have a cape. SuperMamaHeroLady!
I'm so sorry to hear of your string of bad luck. your poor daughter! luckily, she has a great, strong mom like you. best wishes for a smooth move! x
I would do THE. EXACT. SAME. THING.! Teaching our daughters that that CRAP IS NOT ACCEPTABLE is a job I will happily take on. Being a single mother I need to be both sides of her care: mama bear AND papa bear! I strive to be both. And Mama bears are VERY dangerous around their young . . .
Traveling mercies to you both.
mary
I'm so sorry this is happening to you--I hope your move goes smoothly! My prayers are with you and your family.
Good luck! I think you did the right thing - there is no way a bully should be tolerated. Period.
You are doing the right (and maybe only) thing! And you daughter will thank you and respect you for it for the rest of her life. My family went through something similar when my younger sister was in high school. Girls breaking into her car, stealing her things, reporting her to the police for underage drinking (which she never ever did). She had always been an outgoing, sweet, funny girl and was becoming miserable, hateful, and introverted. My mom pulled her out of school and moved back to Hawai'i. And it was the BEST thing she could have done. In a matter of weeks she was back to herself and has been a stronger person for going through the move.
Your daughter is so lucky to have her mother on her side fighting for her. And she knows it.
Good luck in Oklahoma!
Ez, I am sorry to hear that you are going through such stress in you life right now, however, I'd like to say that I admire you and that I truly hope you get a nice new start.
I understand how you feel about what you and your daughter are going through. I have a 2 year old girl and I would go nuts if someone had to threaten or harm her. You've done a great job controlling things that would make anyone crazy.
I have experienced many of these things and I live away from my family, I assure you that when you get to see them, hug them and talk with them it will give you encouragement enough to tackle the next thing with a lot of strength.
I pray that you get all the love and comfort you deserve and that your daughter may find the peace and content any girl her age needs in a new beginning along with a precious mom like you.
Be blessed and stay strong!
that entire school system should be shut down.
you seem like an amazing mother. wishing you luck & happiness in your move!! :-)
I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. No one should be treated like that! Especially in elementary school. Hope everything goes well for you two. You're in my prayers :)
I pulled my son out of school two years ago and we've been homeschooling ever since. He is grateful Every Single Day that he doesn't have to go back. Good luck on your move, I'm sure things will work out great for you!
I am so sorry your daughter has been going through this, and now you. I was bullied when I was young; in Junior HIgh. Nobody ever seemed to take it seriously and it made me dread going to school every day. My rule of "being nice to everyone" didn't pan out well for me those years. Everything eventually worked out when I got to high school, but I still remember and feel the pain from those times. I'm so glad you are moving; it shows you are taking this seriously and it shows your daughter comes first. Good for you! Best of luck with your move; it sounds like a fun adventure is ahead and I hope you find the peace and happiness you both deserve!
You and your daughter are brave and courageous. Good luck with your move. I wish you all the goodness that most people have to offer in your new home!