Enough is Enough
One quote has been racketing through my brain for the past few days, and that is: "You must do the thing you think you cannot do" by Eleanor Roosevelt. Today I found out why when my daughter came out of school and told me that she'd been intentionally slammed against the wall by another girl in her class. The force that she was smashed into the wall with caused her to crumple to the floor in pain. The lunch aid on duty saw what happened, recognized the pain my daughter was in and said she would report the assault...but then proceeded to walk away and do no such thing. If you follow me on twitter then you might recall the extremely difficult time we've been having with her school and the relentless bullying that she's been enduring. Reporting the offenders has gone nowhere and the bullying has only gained momentum. The last time I spoke with the school about the threats and harassment I was told by the school's guidance counsellor that this is "normal every day behavior and that my daughter should get used to it because 6th grade would be worse." This was said in response to my concerns over daily threats from a girl who said she was planning to beat my daughter up on the last day of school. Other kids were in on the plan and found great enjoyment in reminding my daughter every day how fun it was going to be to see her get beat up...and that they were planning to bring their video cameras to record it. And yes, her school claims to have "zero tolerance for bullying"...hosts anti-bullying rallies and conferences...and coats their hallways with anti-bullying posters. Clearly talk and action are two entirely different things.
So I did what I never would have thought I could do...I pulled her out of school. My daughter's physical and emotional health were hanging in the balance and I could not just sit around idly and wait to see what would happen next. I need to be her advocate. She needs to know that even if an entire school system thinks abuse is acceptable or is willing to look the other way...I will not. How else can I teach her to stand up for and respect herself? I know I've made the right decision, but it is a choice that is not taken lightly. This change of course means that a lot will be in flux for us in the coming weeks. Not only have I pulled her out of school, but we are packing up and relocate to Oklahoma (you can read more about our move over on Creature Comforts) next Monday (yes, only a week to pack).
I am trying to remain as positive as possible and feel hopeful that good things are in store for us in the near future. I have tried to make the best out of our move to New Jersey and what has been an overwhelmingly negative past 8 months...but there comes a time when enough is enough. I have come to realize that this place is just not for us, and we are moving on.
Thanks to all of you who have offered your kind words of support here and on Twitter! Your encouragement and thoughtfulness has helped me more than I can say. I will not be updating this blog for a while (until we have things set back up in in our new home). See you then. xox Ez
63 Lovely Comments | Email Article | found in About Me / My Shops, Musings Print Article | Share This | 
| by Ez Monday, March 22, 2010 
Reader Comments (63)
Oh Ez this breaks my heart. I had no idea that this was happening to you and also to your daughter. And I'm sorry that your move was a negative one but I'm happy that you are strong and smart enough to move on with your life... Lots of people stay in ruts and you are not and this is a very positive thing.
I was beat up in school as a child and it did a lot of damage to my grades and my self esteem. I was so grateful when we relocated around the same time, I don't think that I could have made it as I always had a sensitive side and felt scared of other girls for most of my young life because they were so horrible to me. I remember getting beat up by a friend once, they had planned an attack when I was in 6th grade. I'll never forget that day of being punched in the stomach so many times that blood came out of my mouth. When I fell to the ground they bent back all of my fingers and kicked dirt on me. It was hard because I wasn't (and I'm still not) a confrontational person. I usually walk away from problems or people who do not care about me - I'm not one to convince anyone to love me and so I think this angered these girls even more -- they wanted me to almost beg them to be their friend and be on their side and join their stupid girl gang. Not fighting back made them even more upset with me.
I'm happy that you are leaving and moving on. Every mouse is different -- some are country mice and some are made for the city. And some are made for New Jersey, LOL! It's just how it is. There is nothing wrong with the differences between us all.
I clearly need to catch up on my blog reading. I had no clue that you were moving to OK. I wish you well there.
I wish you must love, peace and happy trails...
Holly
oh my. this is such a terrible story. I don't have children, but I just know that it would absolutely break my heart if anything like this happened and i would be compelled to save my child. You did a heroic thing. I grew up with a single mom and I always felt like she would move heaven to save me from something bad. I still do:) Your daughter will never forget that when this all was happening you were the one to stop it.
Best of luck to you both
Ez, I've been so heart-broken for you and your daughter these past weeks since I saw your tweets. It's a shame there's not more legal advocates for public school children in these and similar situations. Public schools are becoming more and more intolerable. The cynic in me says the "zero-tolerance" policy means very little to school officials when head-counting time comes and they see $ being lost by the absence of kids. One lost victim is better than ten lost bullies.
Other people have mentioned home schooling and with only one to teach, it's worth looking into. It's not as scary as it sounded when I first started. As long as you follow your state's rules, it's mostly up to you, how and what she learns. It's mostly a matter of attendance, and keeping up with basic standards, but once you get out of the public school, it's easy. Kids don't need 8 hours a day to learn. They just need one person giving them 100% of their attention, and you're a mom, that's what you do!
Of course, being a single mom, I imagine it feels impossible, especially with all you've been through, but with family to help, maybe not so bad? Family is good. I'm happy to hear you'll be in a more secure place and have another fresh start. And sorry to say this is my first comment. I don't get out much. ;)
Oh my dear! Know that you are a brave and wonderful mother for putting on the brakes and rerouting! I did the exact same thing in August just a couple days before the new school year and I haven't looked back since. My daughter and I are both better for it and the peace we now have (both in home and school) is incredible! I pray your transition is a blessed one!
I think you are doing a wonderful thing by moving, it is so beautiful to see that that is what is most and truly important in life. Your daughter, first and foremost and nothing in the world can be a better help than family. I wish you the best and you are doing a GREAT thing.
We had the same problem with my brother when we were younger. The schools had just started zero tolerance back then, but continued to do nothing and the bullying got worse. Then, when the bully was caught in the act of harming my brother, the school suspended them both! He didn't even defend himself and he was suspended. I would say you should contact the police regarding this incident so they can contact the school. Maybe it will spur them to do something different in the future...like actually going after the bully and letting them know it's not okay to pick on kids. I would say it is within your rights to file an assault report with the police. Maybe that will get the child's parents to do something.
Such a big move! I hope that it is very positive for you!
Ez, I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter! I think you're definitely making the right choice, and I wish for the best for you and your family.
I'm so sorry that you've had to experience this!! Good for you for taking a stand!! I hope your move will allow a fresh start. Good luck to you and yours!!
You're a wonderful and brave mother and you're doing the right thing!
Your daughter needs to know that you're always on her side and since the move / house / neighbours have affected you two so badly anyway, it sounds like starting afresh is the best decision.
Plus, the best way for both of you to recover from this, is in the warmth of your family.
I wish you two the best of luck and happiness and may this move bring new and wonderful things your way.
xox
Delurking to say I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I wish you safety and when you can, laughter, in these tough days.
Mummy you rock! You will forever be your daughters hero. In fact you are my hero!
God bless.
Love D
x
Wow. Your post made me want to cry. I wish I had had the support you've shown your daughter from my own mother when I was bullied in school. Her first question, always: What had I done to instigate the behaviour?Oh, what I wouldn't have given for a mum who had my back, like you have your daughter's. Blessings upon both of you, and a sincere wish neither of you ever has to deal with it again.
wow ... impressive move ..... I have little kids right now, but always wonder what I would do if that ever happened ..BRAVO!