Getting Real: Great Expectations
Expectations... It seems that we must all feel the pressure of expectation to varying degrees and forms in our lives...from how we ought to behave as children, performance at work, relationships, how we should raise children, what we should believe in and more. Much of the time these expectations can propel us forward and motivate us to become better people. But they can just as easily stifle you, quiet your spirit or make you feel a sense of unease.
So my confession is this: I often feel like a bit of a fraud. It's weird to even write that because I generally keep these feelings to myself. But the truth is that I am a very regular ordinary sort of person. And sometimes I feel that I live in the shadow of expectations built by being a "design blogger."
Please don't get me wrong. I really love blogging. I am endlessly grateful for the incredible community of talented and kind individuals who make it what it is. It's just that I am ridiculously and quite often awkwardly average. (I hope that doesn't disappoint.) I have insecurities, I get jealous, I have piles of laundry to sort and days when I skip out on housework out of pure laziness. I don't own a house in some exotic location or jet off to Paris on holiday. I like Haagen-dazs a little bit more than I should, am a total klutz and cut my own bangs to save money. The majority of my wardrobe is black, grey or white and I don't own a single pair of "designer jeans."
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's hard when I realize (or assume; because after all maybe nobody really cares) that some people might think of me as being an example of what it means to "have it all figured out." Living up to my perceived expectations of what being a "design blogger" means often overwhelms me. Again, I so appreciate the admiration and lovely bits of it all, it is just that I never want to disappoint anyone and I would hate to think of anyone feeling different or worse off than me because of the label.
In the past I used to visit several popular blogs that were beautiful to the eye, but in the end only left me feeling that my life was lacking. That unless I too owned this thing, decorated my house that way, or was in this and such circle of people that I couldn't match up. I finally made the decision to stop reading those blogs and decided to just chart my own path. It's my hope that you will never leave from visiting Carrying On or Creature Comforts feeling anything less than wonderful and hopefully inspired (at least in some small way).
The truth is that what you own, how many vacations you take, or what designer you are wearing doesn't determine how I feel about you. If these things make you happy then I am happy for you. The only thing that I truly care about is whether you are a genuine and good person, that you find joy in life to the best of your ability, and spread kindness wherever you can. Because honestly that's is all that really matters.
So my question at the end of my rambling is this: How do you personally deal with expectations? I would love any tips or advice that you might have on finding a balance and peace with it all. At the moment I am rather stymied.
Thanks for listing...I really hope I didn't scare you all away. xox Ez
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| by Ez Wednesday, February 24, 2010 
Reader Comments (36)
Hi Ez, reading this post and all the comments made me tear up a little. I know what you mean about expectations--I am Asian and our whole family tree is rooted in expectations! From choosing to forgo being an architect, and a magazine editor; and choosing to do my own thing, the toughest thing to handle was the snide remarks and the sneers of more well off friends and family. I don't tell people what I do sometimes because of it, but lately i'm trying to change that bit by bit. I find that I can be pleasantly surprised by an outcome if I didn't place any expectation on it.
I think the most pressure comes from ourselves and the bubble of expectations that we set for ourselves. That we must look a certain way, read a certain blog, mix with certain groups of people: the list goes on and on.
It's time to live for ourselves. How liberating would that be? :)
I love this post and the fact that I read it today makes me laugh because I am blog surfing when I should be preparing for my son's birthday party this weekend. A stomach bug has attacked my family twice! this month and I haven't done one single thing for his party. Nothing! And guess what? I am a designer of party goods and a party blogger. Guess I won't be blogging about this party!
I want you to know that everything you wish for your readers is how you come across in your blog: as a genuine and good person who finds joy in life to the best of your ability and spreads kindness wherever you can.
It is that sincerity and genuine nature that truly shines through in your blog. To be honest, there are design bloggers who are thought to be among the best that I find intolerable. Sharing your design niche is one thing, but presenting it in such a way that gives an air of superiority or that any other style or preference is somehow less than is very off-putting. And I honestly don't know if they mean to come off that way (I'd like to think not), but I often cringe and think: Oh, you are so young. Some day you will come back and read this and be mortified. Like an adult looking back on the know-it-all attitude of their teenage self.
Anyway, keep doing what you're doing in your less-than-perfect world because we're all here sitting in OUR less-than-perfect worlds waiting to see what you have next to share!
I think that was really honest and I'm sure your readers would appreciate that you
are being true to yourself (: I mean, it's good to share these just (maybe) not ramble
and rant on and on about the negativity ;)
well, depends on who is doing the expectations, I'll have various reactions. like for the
people I care about, I'll try to live to that expectations if their intentions are good and
that is still being true to me.
I think we all feel that anxiety of self and maybe a bit of judgment from the outside, whether real or imagined. But I think one of the secrets to feeling authentic is to shrug off the negativity. It can get pretty heavy, so some days you may have to shake a little harder than others :)
I think there are very few of us with clean houses and designer clothes. You are not a fraud because of not owning these things... you have design authority that comes from the inside. And it's fabulous in there!
Thanks so much for sharing! It's good to see the person behind the blog. :] You are inspiring for who you are and not what you post!
My best friend and I were just talking about this very thing. I'm so glad you wrote this. Thank you.
Everyone has very eloquently said everything I could have thought to say. It is obvious that you are among friends.
Keep on being fantastic you : )
Thank you. The honesty you've shared here makes me admire you more, and identify with you better than many other 'perfect' design bloggers. We all want to be comfortable in our own skin, and seek out others with a similar style of comfort, or one we aspire to. (not that I'm qualified to speak for everyone, just my view)
Keeping up with the Jonses is the farthest from where I want to be, and it seems that there are many others who feel the same way.
You have lots of good company. Don't change.
I think people feel like this every day EZ, be it with the moms at the school drop off line, the women at work, or in the blog world. It's a matter of measuring up {in our own heads} to whatever that idolized version of "it" might be. Isn't it a shame that most other "it" versions {as you are} don't share your honesty? The truth is, everyone puts on their pants the same in the morning, everyone has bad days, and everyone feels a glimmer of fraud in their lives... Feel proud to be in the company of greatness being an "it" girl, this post has done nothing but solidify that you belong there. I, for one {but I suspect many agree}, am LOVING this new aspect of you here at Carrying On.
I loved your post - I related to it, and I think that's what hits home for many of the people out there who also love upfront honesty like this.
Have you heard of Wabi-sabi? It's like.. a Japanese view finding beauty in imperfections .. that nothing lasts, nothing is finished and nothing is perfect. I just thought you may find some sort of comfort in this view, as I have when I too, have felt awkwardly average. Look it up!
In the meantime, thanks for sharing, it means a lot more than you may realise.
Thanks!
What an honest and heartfelt post, Ez. All I have to say is in those moments when maybe you don't feel like you're 'living up' to the expectations of others, think about all the people who love you for you. You've got a lovely daughter, two adorable dogs and a score of blog readers who think you're pretty swell. We don't care what kind of jeans you wear. It's your eye for all things lovely and your positive personality that we come to see. Just like Bridget Jones, we like you 'just as you are.'
I forgot to mention in my other post that your blog is my favorite (Creature Comforts is now tied with Carrying On). Each day they are the first ones I check for new content. Thank you for posting pretty things for me to look at. It really brightens my day.
I included the link my blog about the dollhouse I'm working on if you care to take a look sometime :-)